Firefly Drabble: What River Sees

[ashlesha17.livejournal.com]

ashlesha17
Fandom: Firefly
Title: Strange Brains See Things Others Miss
Character: River
Prompt: See
Word Count: 100
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Spoilers: None
Rating: G
Written for: weaselyangel

River sees Simon crying though there are no tears on his face

She sees Inara’s anguish in her alluring walk

She sees Mal’s home Shadow, now just a burnt shell

She sees Kaylee’s poor, but happy home crowded and colorful

She sees Hera and Mal’s heartbreak through Zoe’s eyes

She sees the fellow prisoners laughing at Wash’s shadow puppets forgetting for a little while

She sees Book’s rows of vegetables thriving as he prays for forgiveness

She sees Jayne slowly writing to his mother always tucking credits into the envelope

River wishes he could see who she used to be.

Comments

[concise.livejournal.com]

This was really good.

She sees Jayne slowly writing to his mother always tucking credits into the envelope

Great job!

[ashlesha17.livejournal.com]

friendlytampon,

Thanks for your comments. I wasn't sure about the repetitive nature of the structure so I'm glad you liked it.

I'm a Jayne lover, he may love to kill things, but the boy loves his mama.

I've been doing alot of ff drabbles to get ready for a longer story (series) I promised a good friend, but even though I've watched the series to death, this fandoms dialog daunts me. But friendly words *smiling* definitely help.

thanks

lesha

[evitaporter.livejournal.com]

Beatiful, gave me chills. Loved the bit about Jayne and River at the end. Great Job

[ashlesha17.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm happy you liked it. Like I just replied above I'm really getting into Firefly drabbles to prepare for a larger story.

Sorry to self promote, but if you like River's point of view I've done one of her, Simon, and a Jayne on this site. If you read them I hope you enjoy. Again thanks. I'm slowly, but surely beginning to catch Rayne fever.

*hugs and kisses*

lesha

[ashlesha17.livejournal.com]

evitaporter,

Now I'm embarrassed, I think you have sent me comments before and looking at your site, you seem to be a Jayne lover may I friend you.

*blushing*

lesha

[concise.livejournal.com]

Aw, anytime. You're a very talented writer... *Rayne worshipper*

[ashlesha17.livejournal.com]

friendlytampon,

*hugs and kissis* thank! would you like to friend?

lesha

[me-fein.livejournal.com]

This was done really well! I do like the repetition and how you come back full circle. Fantastic!

One word I would suggest changing in this line:

She sees Mal’s home Shadow, now just a burned shell

To "burnt". My reason for it is because it sounds harsher, more painful (the strong "t" sound, versus the smoother "n" sound). Although, it's just my opinion. :)

[ashlesha17.livejournal.com]

me_fein,

Thanks for all the complements, I wasn't so sure about the repetition, but it's been getting good feed back *sighs with relief* and I agree with you when I read it through so you'll see your change. Criticism is good too as long as you don't make me cry.

lol

lesha

[lvs2read.livejournal.com]

I'll add my compliments for a drabble well written! *g* The repetitiveness is very River, to me. And the things she sees so true. And that last line? Poignant! Great job!

[ashlesha17.livejournal.com]

Ivs2read,

Thanks girl! I've gotten such good feedback for this one that it makes me *teary and smiley*, really I love phrase with constructive comments/criticism.

Last line a pointer towards that scary J/R/S story I've committed to write weaselyangel. I'm scared! Thanks again, I like you *bg*.

lesha

[meloradhahm.livejournal.com]

These are my favorite lines:

She sees Book’s rows of vegetables thriving as he prays for forgiveness

She sees Jayne slowly writing to his mother always tucking credits into the envelope

I especially appreciated this drabble, given the icon that you used--in the "Objects in Space" commentary, Joss talks a lot about how River perceives objects in a different way than everyone else, and this drabble shows how her altered perception colors the way in which she sees everyone else. Terrific!

RE: River's Headspace

[ashlesha17.livejournal.com]

meloradhahm,

I love you, I've been writing a series of drabbles to get ready for a longer story or series for my dear friend weaselyangel. I loved "Objects in Space" and Joss's comments on extistential perception.

Not all of the drabbles are in her voice, but deal with an aspect of her innate difference. So I'll just pimp myself shamelessly and give you titles to the others; River's Tastebuds(March28), Simon Wonders Where the Black Will Lead Them (March29), Grey Ain't Jayne's best color (March31), and Wash Makes the Rounds (April 5).

Your the first person that's commented on the commentary from that episode and on that alone would you like to friend. It would be great to check out if we have other fandoms in common, Firefly is enough.

*smiles*

ashlesha

RE: friends

[ashlesha17.livejournal.com]

meloradahahm,


Okay now we have to be friends! I just check out your info and your interests include Shakespeare. I went for a liberal arts education with a major on Comparative Western Religious Studies, minor in classical studies and Spakespeare.

My very first LJ (I'm new too) stories were all for word_fly_up Shakespearean Quote challenge. It's karmic, just give in and be my friend.

*g*

lesha