Legacy-Betrayal Ch.3 - Mal/Inara

[druinsanity.livejournal.com]

Title: Legacy - Betrayal
Authors: druinsanity and bashipforever
Summary: AU Takes place two and a half years after the end of the series. The movie never happened, but if you’ve read the comic book Those Left Behind, it did. Everything Inara has worked for in her life is finally happening but an old friend shows up, making her doubt everything she’s wanted.
Pairing: Mal/Inara
Rating: PG-13 - R
A/N: The title comes from an Emily Dickenson poem. This is a WIP but it is being updated daily so you shouldn’t have to wait for too long for updates.
A/N2: This is the sequel to a trilogy in this series. Please read Legacy before this to fill in any blanks. This second part is a month after the ending to the first.

You left me, sweet, two legacies,-
A legacy of love
A Heavenly Father would content,
Had He the offer of;

You left me boundaries of pain
Capacious as the sea,
Between eternity and time,
Your consciousness and me.

Ch.1 Ch.2


CHAPTER THREE

Mal found Book on the outskirts of the party, watching everyone from afar. For a moment he thought of turning back, not wanting to interrupt prayer if that was indeed what Book was doing out here all alone. When Book spotted him he met him halfway, embracing him in a one-arm hug.

He gave the preacher a small half grin. "So how goes it, Preacher? Keepin' the flock in line?" He started with casual conversation.

"Trying," Book answered with a smile. "Most of the time I think they're keeping me in line. And you? Keeping the crew in line?"

Mal smirked at the comparison. "They are keepin' me in line. Been downright over bearin' for awhile now." Since prison... He shrugged, mentally brushing away any thoughts of his time in prison. "Conjure it ain't necessarily a bad thing."

"Proof someone cares about you," Book responded. "No, it's not a bad thing." He glanced out at the crowd dancing around the fire, laughing and singing. He wasn't sure whether to broach the subject of Mal's time in the Alliance prison or not. "Sometimes we can't take care of ourselves. We need someone to do it for us. You're fortunate to have people who will. There are times when it helps to let someone else do the taking care of instead of always being the one with the responsibility."

"Ohhhh I got a lot of someone's." Mal nodded with a lithe smirk. “Whether I’m needin’ it or not… which I ain’t.” He was silent for a moment, then followed Book's gaze out to the bonfire. "I’m a lucky man. 'Nara and me... finally decided to quit pretendin' we didn’t see each other."

"I gathered that and Kaylee told me," Book turned to smile at Mal, his arms crossed over his chest. "I take it she's quit her job?" He knew that this was a given. It was something that the Captain wouldn’t and couldn’t make himself compromise on.

Mal nodded at Book then answered him aloud. "She did. Still times I can barely believe it. Told me ‘no’ right on four times before she finally gave in. Things got pretty messed up there for a bit."

Book took a deep breath, his lips thinning as he considered what Mal was telling him. He could be the naysayer, make warnings and all sorts of things. That wasn't what Mal needed right now. If Inara intended to hurt him in the long run no warning would prevent it. "Do you have intentions of 'making her an honest woman' as they used to say."

"I do." Mal started, surprised by the answer that had taken no consideration. "Can hear my ma in my head yellin' at me if I don't. And I'm wantin' ‘Nara that way. Just ain't thought that far yet... but eventually... yeah I'm wantin' her to marry me."

Book nodded. "It'll be good for both of you." He stuck his hands in his pockets and let the silence lie between them for a moment before he prodded for more. He knew if the subject were going to be breached, he’d have to bring it up. Mal didn’t talk about himself without being prodded. "How is everything else?”

Mal drew a deep breath and considered finding a way to avoid answering this question honestly. He knew Book would see through any lie. "Dark... dark 'less she's in the room." He shook his head. He had talked to Book about things before, but since the preacher had decided to stay planet side he had become a confidant and a mentor. Maybe it was because he didn't have to see him everyday. "Got nightmares that won't seem to stop comin'. You know how it is.... Much as you know 'bout the Alliance, you know that my open opposition to them made me pretty special in their eyes." He looked over to Book. "Wash told me he told you... and that you donated money to help get me out. Guess I owe you a thank you."

"No thanks necessary," Book told him. "I wish I could've done more." He kept his focus on the party rather than looking at Mal. It always made confession easier if one didn’t have to look their confidante in the eye. It was the whole reason Catholics had screens between the priest and the parishes. "In my experience nightmares fade with time. They're worse when you're hurting...under stress. Give it some time. Anything I can do to help?"

"Don't need any help." Mal said flatly. "Never have."

Book sighed and nodded. He'd expected the rebuff from Mal. He'd have to make the offer to Inara. The others knew if they needed help, or if Mal did, they could ask.

"Thought as much," he said, keeping his gaze fixed on the party. "Never had any children. Don't know that I've ever told you that. Come to consider you a lot like a son though. I'd consider it an honor if you'd come to me when you needed a thing."

Mal gave a barely perceptible nod, even though he knew Book wasn't watching him. No one would ever know how much what Book had said to him had meant. He quickly changed the subject, true to form. "Mighty fine party you're throwin'. Crew likes comin' here."

"We like having you stop over. Everyone misses you all when you're gone. Besides, they love having an excuse for a party," Book said, not missing that Mal had skipped over the whole conversation. It didn't matter as long as Mal understood that if he needed to talk, Book was there.

"Think this'll stick? 'Nara and me?" Mal asked straight forward. He valued Book's opinion and couldn’t help the hint of worry that laced his voice. He was continually afraid that Inara would realize everything she’d left behind and leave him.

Book shrugged, considering the question for a moment. "It's hard to tell something like this. I never married but I wasn't always a Shepard either. It's a big commitment of sorts that she left her profession. Companions are well respected by most in the core planets. Have you spoken with her about the idea of marriage? Or children? What were her thoughts on it? Things like that can indicate how dedicated someone is in a relationship."

"Not the marriage part... the kids part yeah." Mal nodded. "She thinks I'd be better than her father was. Which from what I've heard 'bout him, a step higher than him wouldn't be so shiny as one would think."

Book nodded. "I'd say you two have as good a chance as anyone. I don't suspect it'll always be easy. From what I've heard, marriages never are. However I don't think quitting will be a problem for you," he smiled at Mal.

Mal smirked. "Ain't one for quittin'. And easy is boring."

"I've noticed that about you," Book smirked. He glanced back at the dancers, noticing Inara dancing with a whole group of people and laughing. She didn't fit in here but somehow, in a way, she did. "When you do get around to marrying her, I hope to be invited."

Mal followed Book's gaze to where Inara danced. Even his features held conviction and belief when he looked at her. He put a hand on Books shoulder and squeezed. "You'll be performin' the ceremony." He said his attention completely diverted.

He walked away from Book, making his way to Inara and slipped an arm around her waist. He joined in the dance with her, and at that moment, there was no one else in the world but her. "Wǒ ài nǐ" He said to her, above the music. If he was anything, he was a man of action.

Inara turned to face Mal, surprised at his words. Her eyes were wide a little shocked at the admission. He'd told her that he'd never loved anyone this way before he left her at the guild house but he'd never said I love you before in Chinese or English. "Wǒ ài nǐ," she repeated, a smile curving her lips as she put a hand at the back of his neck. "What was that for?" she asked after a moment.

"Cause I'm about to ask you somethin'... somethin' important and it sounded right comin' before it..." Mal said hesitantly, then shrugged slightly. "And cause I do." He added before leaning down close so that his lips were to her ear. "Want you to marry me... say you will."

Everything in Inara stiffened up. Her throat closed and the entire universe seemed to narrow to just her and Mal. She knitted her fingers in the hair at the back of Mal's neck, physically holding him closer to her. "Mal...I-it's not. I-" she stopped. Oh Holy Buddha...don't let this be the end of us. "You know how I feel about you. You know I l-love you...I just...I can't."

Mal shook his head, having heard her but not understanding. "Can't hear me?" He took her hand in his and started back towards Serenity and the quiet of their shuttle. They needed to get away from noise and music.

Inara let Mal lead her back toward Serenity to their shuttle. She didn't say anything until they got to the shuttle. She felt sick to her stomach, almost like it was Sihnon all over again. She looked up at him, not sure exactly what to say. She knew in part, she was rejecting him yet again but the idea of marriage even to Mal, terrified her. She'd grown up with a first hand example of how badly it could be messed up.

Mal pulled Inara close to him a grin on his lips. "Now if you weren't hearin' me properly... I'm askin' you to marry me ‘Nara."

Inara took a sharp, shallow breath unable to look up at him. "Mal… I-it's not that I don't-you know how I feel about you. You know I lo-love you. I just...marriage is-I don't want to mess anything up. Things are... perfect the way they are and-I just-I can't. Can't we just leave things the way they are?"

Everything seemed to slow down to a dead stop except for Mal’s heart that he could suddenly feel pounding loudly in his chest. His brow furrowed in surprise and confusion. "You... You're sayin' no to me." It was more a statement of shock than a question.

Inara ducked her head, her cheeks flaming red. She shook her head. "No… I mean-I just… Remember how I said I was scared? Marriage is whole new level of terrifying for me. I-marriage… it's scary," she finally said in a half whisper. "Please don't leave me," the last was barely a whisper laced with tears.

"Ain't leavin' 'Nara..." Mal said immediately, without a thought. He ran a hand back through his messy hair agitatedly. "If you can fly, you can do anything. Can't be spendin' your whole life bein' scared of livin' it."

Inara took a deep breath and fisted her hands in the skirt of her gown. "I know I've alluded to the kind of man my father was...but I haven't told you. I've got... many commitment issues and I know that. There's a good reason for them though. The reason I became a companion...my mother wanted to get me out of his house as soon as possible. She tried to get the guild house to take me earlier at 10 but they wouldn't...As far as I know, my father never hit my mother...he didn't have to. His women belonged under thumb and on their knees. He was the lord and king of the castle and they were the servants...Gui... he treated the servants better. I think it started sometime after I was born. He expected my mother to give him a son. Only she didn't. She messed up, gave him a daughter and then couldn't have any more children. She almost died having me...he turned her into the family dog...except I think he loved the dog more. One night at dinner he asked her to pass the mashed potatoes. She dropped the bowl. We had these beautiful teak floors in the dining room...he made her get on her knees and lick the potatoes off the floor..."

Rage boiled just under the surface at a million different things he couldn't name just yet. "'Nara you ain't your ma and you best be knowin' I'd never do that to you. Cause if you don't you got me all wrong."

"No… that's never a-no. I never even considered you'd be like that, Mal," Inara was quick to reassure him. She looked up at him and tried to give him a small smile. "That's what I grew up with as an example of marriage...then I met Zoe and Wash." she pulled her bottom lip through her teeth and dropped her gaze to the floor. "They're so perfect and so different from what I thought marriage was about...I'm afraid I'll never live up to that. I'm afraid that-You would never be like my father...but I've got his blood...his genes...what if I could be like that? There are some people who shouldn't get married and shouldn't have kids. What if I'm one of them?" Her voice was thick with tears. "My father was..."

"Darlin' you won't be like your father. First of all I'd only let you be hittin' me once in one sitting and only if I deserved it. Second, I ain't eatin' off no floor. That was just a prison thing. And third, your daddy obviously didn't love your mama cause that ain't love. We got it. We got the love ‘Nara." He tried to assure her. "They didn't, but we do. And I seen you with them girls at the guild house. Good with kids."

"Just give me some time?" Inara asked. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I haven’t had any doubts about that in a long time. I just-the idea of it scares me." She reached out and took his hand in hers, taking a step closer. "Can you just be holding me? I need you...more than I need anything else."

Mal watched Inara, perplexed. She was a walking contradiction. She could run away from the guild but couldn't say yes to him. She said she wanted to spend her life with him and yet the idea of it scared her. She was pushing him away and pulling him close at the same time. "You're messin' with me, 'Nara." He said plainly even as his fingers laced with hers.

He bowed his head so that his forehead rested against hers and brought his free hand up to cup her cheek. "Always messin' with me." He whispered, for now resisting the urge to turn and walk out with the anger that boiled inside of him.

Inara stepped closer to Mal, curling up into him. She tilted her face up and kissed him softly. "I'm not trying to mess with you, Mal. I'm trying to be honest about why I'm so dysfunctional. I can't help it. If I could, it'd make my life easier."

Mal let a sarcastic smirk escape from him and just shook his head. If he heard anymore or said anymore he knew it would turn into a fight and he wouldn't get to hold her tonight whether it was his doing or hers. "S'just go to sleep..." He said quietly, stepping away from Inara and starting at the buttons of his shirt. He really needed to stop with this hope thing and thinking she'd want things with him. It was too much of a let down when she didn’t.

Inara dipped her head, knowing she'd hurt Mal yet again. She couldn't force herself to say the words though, anymore then she could have forced herself to leave the guild house before she did. She unzipped her dress, letting it fall to the floor before she grabbed a black silk nightgown and slipped it over her head. She gathered up the dress and hung it in the closet then went around behind Mal and placed a kiss to the curve of his neck, her hands going around to the buttons on his shirt.

"Hey...that's my job," she whispered against his skin, trying to make up for the hurt she'd caused him.

Mal kicked off his boots and stepped away from Inara "I got it..." He said as he finished the buttons on his shirt. He shrugged his suspenders off so that they dangled at his sides. He took his shirt off and tossed it towards the clothes hamper, then watched it fall to the floor missing it by a few feet.

Inara stepped away, almost as if she'd been burned. She simply nodded and watched Mal throw his shirt toward the hamper. Out of habit, she walked over and picked it up, stuffing it in the hamper then went over to their bed and curled up in it, watching Mal carefully.

Mal stood there for a moment, looking at where she'd put his shirt in the clothes bin. Part of him itched to get it and throw it back onto the floor... mess up the perfect little world in a carefully crafted box that Inara had devised the same way she messed up his. Instead, he turned back to the bed and crawled in after Inara. He pulled her to him and closed his eyes. Another fight for another day...

Inara put her hand over Mal's on her stomach, lacing her fingers tightly with his. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. They could handle this. He wasn't leaving or dumping her back on Sihnon. They could deal with this.

And I was right...even the mention of marriage destroys things...we were perfect until then she thought. She knew she wouldn't get much sleep but there was nowhere else she wanted to be right now, asleep or not.