(no subject)

[shanaqui]

Title: Doubt
Author: twilightsrain/edenbound (ficjournal)
Summary: You can't save them all.
Rating: PG
Characters: Mal, Simon, Zoe
Pairing: None
Warning: Angst, death
Spoilers/Timeline: Post Serenity but no spoilers
Disclaimer: Joss is boss. :D


She's cold.

It shouldn't bother him -- I've seen plenty of dead bodies, they don't bother me -- but it does, oh gorramn it, it bothers him. He folds like a fan, crouching down next to her. He's never thought of her as cold. Sure, she had her moments. Days. Weeks. When she didn't smile, when every smile was met with a freezing glance but still -- still, her heart beat, and her blood flowed.

And now it doesn't.

"You alright, son?"

"No," he spits it out, like blood, like bile, and straightens up awkwardly, stepping away from the table. Mal's hand lands on his shoulder, squeezing, just a little rough like his voice was, grinding over grit.

"I don't blame you, she... she don't blame you either. I saw you. You was doin' your best and you know that's all a body can ask of you. Can't save 'em all."

"Back in med acad... there was a simulation just like this. Me, and a team of two guys who were training to be nurses. Didn't get much set up, not like this... had no idea what was happening. Got a short brief and then -- "

Mal touches his cheek. His skin is rough, the pad of his thumb is rough, as it brushes over a day or two's worth of almost stubble. "Go on."

"We lost him, right on the table. In the simulation. I did it again and again and again... until I could do it. Told myself I'd keep doing it. Until every time I did the simulation, I saved the man's life."

"And?"

"I made surgeon. Got a job, everything, I was..."

"A damn fine doctor. Top three percent."

"I never did manage that simulation," Simon says, softly. He reaches out, brushes his fingers over Zoe's cold cheek. "I told myself that if it ever really happened, I could do it. That I'd understand it, then."

Mal's smile is awkward, scar tissue of grief not quite solid yet and the wound splitting open for Simon to see like Zoe's insides the day before. His hand lands on Simon's shoulder again, a rough tight squeeze. "P'raps that's the lesson they wanted you to learn. That you can't save them all."

Simon manages a smile, too. "I doubt it."

Comments

:(

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, that's real sad. But very nice. Do I detect a hint of M/S in this?

[lvs2read.livejournal.com]

So sad.*cries* Poor Simon. Poor Mal. *pets them both*

Nicely done!

[razycrandomgirl.livejournal.com]

You killed Zoe!
How ... how is Mal ...?