"Deeply Wrong", a River & Jayne drabble...

[captainoats.livejournal.com]

Title: “Deeply Wrong”
Author: me, captainoats
Summary: There’s something deeply wrong with River. And Jayne.
Rating: G?
Characters: River, Jayne
Disclaimer: I’m unfortunately not Joss or anyone involved with or with ownership to Firefly, any of the characters, or any of the actors that portray said characters.


Jayne was sitting polishing his guns when River wandered in. She picked up each gun and examined it very closely and very silently, before finally saying "This one is the angriest," turning over Jayne's smallest gun in her hands before putting it back on the table.

"There is something deeply wrong with you," he muttered.

"Mmm, I know," she said, smiling brightly. "There's something deeply wrong with you too." She leaned close to whisper conspiratorially, "It's your spleen."

And then she danced away, leaving Jayne to look slowly down at his abdomen, and on the verge of tears. “My spleen?”

Comments

[spikeyboots.livejournal.com]

You just totally brightened my day!

*loves*

Such a perfect little moment and the last line is just such a killer! So cute!

[captainoats.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! :D

[pet-23.livejournal.com]

Adored....muchly! Write more cause this rocked. And if you already have more River/Jayne written please point me to it.

[captainoats.livejournal.com]

Thanky you! I actually don't write much fanfic, and this is my first Firefly piece, but I'm glad you liked it none the less. :D

[aikakone.livejournal.com]

It's cute! Very cute. :) I do like it.

Might I offer up a beta suggestion? Capitalize the first letter of a quote unless it's dialog that is interrupted with a narrative tag. So "this" from "this one is the angriest" and "it's" from "it's your spleen", should but be capitalized.

It's all easily fixed. I don't know how you are about beta suggestions. Some people don't like getting 'em. All the same, I still liked what I read.

[captainoats.livejournal.com]

Tahnk you! :D

Yeah, I wasn't quite sure about that. Beta suggestions are awesome, as I give them to just about everyone. Thanks for the help! :D

[inalasahl]

*wipes away tears of laughter* Jayne should know better by now than to make fun of River. Great ficlet.

[dragonbetween.livejournal.com]

I don't get the tears, but other than that very nice.

~ Morgaine

[ella-beth.livejournal.com]

This totally made me smile! Poor Jayne! Now he thinks something is 'physically' wrong with his spleen! *laughs* Don't worry Jayne...she just means you get angry easily. I think. With River it is hard to tell. Maybe she meant both. Maybe you should visit Simon, and have him check your spleen just in case. (If nothing else Simon would get a good laugh over that!)
-Ella