Firefly Drabble: What River Sees

[ashlesha17.livejournal.com]

ashlesha17
Fandom: Firefly
Title: Strange Brains See Things Others Miss
Character: River
Prompt: See
Word Count: 100
Disclaimer: I own nothing
Spoilers: None
Rating: G
Written for: weaselyangel

River sees Simon crying though there are no tears on his face

She sees Inara’s anguish in her alluring walk

She sees Mal’s home Shadow, now just a burnt shell

She sees Kaylee’s poor, but happy home crowded and colorful

She sees Hera and Mal’s heartbreak through Zoe’s eyes

She sees the fellow prisoners laughing at Wash’s shadow puppets forgetting for a little while

She sees Book’s rows of vegetables thriving as he prays for forgiveness

She sees Jayne slowly writing to his mother always tucking credits into the envelope

River wishes he could see who she used to be.

Comments

[concise.livejournal.com]

This was really good.

She sees Jayne slowly writing to his mother always tucking credits into the envelope

Great job!

[evitaporter.livejournal.com]

Beatiful, gave me chills. Loved the bit about Jayne and River at the end. Great Job

[concise.livejournal.com]

Aw, anytime. You're a very talented writer... *Rayne worshipper*

[me-fein.livejournal.com]

This was done really well! I do like the repetition and how you come back full circle. Fantastic!

One word I would suggest changing in this line:

She sees Mal’s home Shadow, now just a burned shell

To "burnt". My reason for it is because it sounds harsher, more painful (the strong "t" sound, versus the smoother "n" sound). Although, it's just my opinion. :)

[lvs2read.livejournal.com]

I'll add my compliments for a drabble well written! *g* The repetitiveness is very River, to me. And the things she sees so true. And that last line? Poignant! Great job!

[meloradhahm.livejournal.com]

These are my favorite lines:

She sees Book’s rows of vegetables thriving as he prays for forgiveness

She sees Jayne slowly writing to his mother always tucking credits into the envelope

I especially appreciated this drabble, given the icon that you used--in the "Objects in Space" commentary, Joss talks a lot about how River perceives objects in a different way than everyone else, and this drabble shows how her altered perception colors the way in which she sees everyone else. Terrific!