[identity profile] calmacil-20.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] firefly_fanfic
Title: Sometimes it Rains When You Want it To
Author: [livejournal.com profile] calmacil_20
Characters: Mal and Inara focus, but almost everyone gets a mention.
Pairing: Mal/Inara
Summary: The Captain tries to deal with the changing tides on his boat.
Genre: Angst/Hope
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Joss is the king. I'm just a humble servant.
Spoilers: Serenity movie and a few references to episodes of Firefly
Author's Note: This is a piece I wrote for Ginni, who broke her arm, and I hope she gets better soon! My three words for the story were rain/raising hell/sorrow. I've never really tried Mal/Inara before, so I was a bit hesitant when writing it, but I think it turned out okay. A special nod goes to [livejournal.com profile] heartisbruised for coming up with the fic-a-thon idea and especially [livejournal.com profile] neroli66 for the beta and for giving me the idea for River and the dinosaurs. I love feedback and I really hope Ginni and everyone else enjoys it!


Everything was different on his boat these days.

It was goin’ on near a month since Miranda and Mal had hoped things would’ve gone back to normal by now. That everyone’s memories of Reavers, lies and death would’ve faded until they were just bad dreams that they were able to push aside; he sure as hell had a whole past that he kept in the black of his mind. But that just proved how much of a gorram fool he really was. He should’ve known the moment they left atmo on Mr. Universe’s planet that things would never be the same again.

First off there was the fact that River was flying Serenity, a fact that still sat a mite uneasy with him. Sure, the girl was scarily good at it, and they hadn’t run into any problems yet, but it still felt…wrong. It wasn’t exactly River’s fault either. The girl had certainly cut back on the crazy now that the secrets that were devouring her were out, but she still had that eerie way of knowing exactly what you were thinking. No, it wasn’t River; it was more like a flavor missing from a favorite dish or something. He’d had serious misgivings about how Zoe would react when he first decided that River should take over.

Zoe. Just thinking of her brought up an ache in him that he couldn’t quite push down. He knew the woman better than anyone on the crew, and he could see the sorrow fighting the usual brightness in her eyes, even if everyone else thought she was dealing with Wash’s death fine, and he would’ve gone to damn near any extreme to get her to smile.

He reckoned that was why her reaction to River’s piloting the ship had surprised him so much. The night after he made the decision he took Zoe up to the bridge while River was flying and quietly told her. He’d expected some kind of reaction, but there wasn’t even a glimmer of one in her eyes.

She just said, “Whatever you think is best, Sir. The girl can fly, and we need a pilot.”

“That we do, Zoe,” he replied, watching as the woman turned and looked at the lithe girl sitting in what had once been Wash’s seat, playing with two of Wash’s dinosaurs. She seemed lost in her own world, completely oblivious to the pair watching her, when all of a sudden she blurted out, “This is a fertile land, and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land and we will call it…this land.”

To Mal’s complete surprise he heard Zoe laugh for the first time in over a week, and watched as a slow but genuine smile crept across her face. He coulda sworn he heard her say, “He’s never really gone,” but it was so quiet he couldn’t be sure. Before he could say anything else, Zoe said something about checking the cargo in the hold and took off down the bridge. As she strode away he saw a lone tear going down her face, and was suddenly more grateful to River than he had ever been.

Of course, he now had a new crew romance to deal with: Kaylee and the doctor. It had been a long time coming he figured, but that didn’t make it any easier. Even with Zoe and Wash he had been reluctant, and now he had these two. He couldn’t have his mechanic so smitten over some Core doctor that she neglected her job, but he could never really say no to the girl, no matter what she asked of him. And, he was forced to admit since Miranda he had started to think of the doc as part of his crew, so he couldn’t be too bitter. Zoe’s current situation was a testimony to how difficult crew romances could be; but whenever he saw that smile on Kaylee’s face, the girl he thought of as his little sister, he knew that he should just let it be.

He supposed Jayne was pretty much the same, just a little easier and more cheerful, if such a word could be applied to the man. Ever since Miranda the Alliance’s hold on things in the ‘verse had loosened considerably, allowing them to do their jobs with a bit more ease and make a bit more money in the process. Of course, it wasn’t like the old days, but Jayne seemed to welcome the change. Since their money intake had increased, he had even taken to buying little gifts for people, especially Zoe, but saved the big gifts for himself; huge bottles of liquor that he seemed to empty before Mal even realized he had them, and he even got Vera a new and equally destructive friend. Jayne certainly had adapted quickly but he still enjoyed raising hell as much as he always had.

So that left Inara, and the change in her he couldn’t quite understand, no matter how he tried. He had taken her back on the ship to save her life, but now that things were back to normal, he wasn’t quite sure why she stayed on. Not only that but she had stopped whorri…he stopped himself in mid-thought; she had stopped having clients, he amended.

He wasn’t quite sure why she had suddenly changed. They had had a brief moment right before leaving Miranda, where Mal felt a connection with the companion he had thought was long dead, but since then things hadn’t gone any further. They didn’t exactly avoid each other or anything, but aside from a few small conversations, mostly about where their next port was, they hadn’t really said much to each other. It wasn’t awkward, or tense, or uncomfortable…it just was. He slowly felt that new connection between them fading again, and he didn’t know what to do about it.

All of this brought them to now; sitting on some planet waiting for his crew to come back. He couldn’t remember the name of the planet, but it was far nearer to the core than they woulda ever gone before Miranda. Simon had recommended stopping there because he knew they had a good medical center, and the ship need some new medical supplies, plus there was some lake or waterfall or some kinda body of water he wanted to show Kaylee. Before they left, he had pointed out where a nearby town was and then they were off in one of the shuttles. Zoe, River and Jayne had taken the mule to town, to “check on supplies” as Jayne put it, but Mal knew Jayne’s get-drunk-and-fight face when he saw it and he expected they would be coming, or running in all likelihood, back soon. He hadn’t heard anything from Inara, so for all he knew, she could be anywhere.

The ship had seemed empty with all of them gone; it brought back unpleasant memories of that time when they had all abandoned ship before the air ran out, leaving him to what was in all probability a frozen death. So he decided to go outside onto the high bluff where Serenity had landed and get some air, never wandering too far from the ship, mind. The air above him was a soupy mix of grey cloud and blue sky, with a hint of warmth to come. He gathered it must be spring on this planet, because he was seein’ green and flowers starting to bloom all over. Some faint and vaguely familiar scent wafted through the air, stirring up something inside him he couldn’t quite place.

All of a sudden from behind him he heard a voice say, “Smells like rain is coming.”

He whirled around to find Inara standing by the open loading bay, looking at him with mild curiosity, and something else he hadn’t seen in her eyes before. She was wearing one of her elegant silk dresses, but now that he thought about it, he didn’t think she owned anything that wasn’t elegant. This one was a forest green that perfectly complimented the foliage around them, and it also did a nice job of showing off her curves. Mal shook his head to stop that train of thought from reaching the station.

She was right. That scent that he couldn’t name was the smell of rain on the air. He reckoned they had been on so many of the drier outer rim planets that he had forgotten that clean smell that rain always had.

“S’pose you’re right,” he said, watching her as she walked closer to where he was standing.

The silence between them seemed to stretch out forever in the few moments that they stood, staring at the view. Finally, Mal couldn’t take it anymore.

“No clients?” he asked, watching her from the corner of his eye. “I would’ve thought a fancy planet like this would’ve been right up your alley.”

Her expression barely changed as she answered, “I didn’t think we’d be here long enough for it to be worthwhile to book anyone.”

Maybe it was her lack of emotion, maybe it was the fact that his boat didn’t feel like the home it used to, or maybe it was some kind’ve mix of the two, but her answer broke a dam in him that he had fought hard to hold since Miranda.

“Inara, that’s about the fiftieth different excuse for not working that I’ve heard from you. This is getting huāngmiù. Are you tired of being a companion? Don’t you want to do it anymore?” He realized that it probably came out angrier than he meant it to, but it was too late to turn back.

To his surprise, she didn’t even rise to the challenge in his voice. “I thought you didn’t like the fact that I was a companion,” she said, but kept talking before he could reply. “I don’t know what I want to do anymore. Nothing feels right…not since Miranda. I can’t seem to find the quiet inside me that I used to be able to.” Then, with a look in his direction, she added, “I guess I’m like you.”

“duìbùqî ?” he said, feeling the blood rush to his face.

“I’ve been watching you Mal,” she said, turning so they were face to face. “This past month you’ve been like a ghost; almost there, but not quite. Everyone else on this ship may think that you’re the same Captain Reynolds you’ve always been, but you’re not. Serenity doesn’t feel the same to you anymore, and it kills you. Don’t pretend I’m wrong. It’s written all over the way you wander through the ship, like you’re trying to find something you’ve lost.”

Of all the things he thought she would say, this hadn’t even been on his list. That she would just lay bare the torment he had been dealing with, like she was discussing the gorram weather, should’ve made him angry enough to storm away and hope she got stuck in the rain, but instead he just felt drained. No one else, not even Zoe, had said anything like this to him but a part of him reveled in the fact that it was finally out in the open.

“Don’t think I’m attacking you,” she continued, still looking straight into his face. “I feel the same way. I guess ever since…what happened, I feel like everything I am isn’t real; it’s just some kind of mask I’ve been wearing to fool everyone. A mask that’s kept me away from the things that I really wanted. I’m lost too,” she admitted, looking down briefly, a greater sign of acceptance than anything else she could say.

He stared at her for a moment, not sure what to say, until he saw something in her eyes that he had seen so rarely he wasn’t sure if it was there; softness. The kind of tenderness that he couldn’t remember anyone looking at him with in what felt like a lifetime. There was vulnerability there too, something he never thought he’d see from Inara. Maybe Miranda had affected her in a way he hadn’t noticed.

Suddenly, the ability to say anything even bordering on articulate left him, and all he managed to get out was, “Got any suggestions?”

She looked at him, with a smile and a shimmer in her eyes, and before he knew it, she kissed him on the cheek; a light, soft kiss that made every part of him feel like electricity was pulsing through him and his heart started thudding in his chest.

“Remember what I said about barging into my shuttle,” she whispered, still leaning in close to him.

“That it was manly and impulsive,” he managed to say, in a strangled voice he barley recognized as his own. “And you said don’t”

With a radiant smile that he had never seen directed at him before, she said “And now I say do,” and then turned away and glided back onto the ship.

He wasn’t sure how long he stood there, staring at the space she had occupied before there was a peal of thunder overhead and the clouds opened up and a warm rain started to fall. Mal tilted his head back and bathed in the falling sweetness, letting it wash him clean of all the bad feelings, resentment and anger he had kept inside of him. This is what a real baptism should feel like, he thought.

He stayed that way, completely oblivious to everything around him, and the crew’s voices as the returned mixed in with the sound of the rain hitting the earth. He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that they were trying to get him in, but he didn’t feel like moving.

Suddenly he felt a hand on his arm, and opened his eyes to see Kaylee looking at him with a concerned expression.

“You alright cap’n’?” she asked, trying to read his face.

“I’m fine darlin’,” he answered. “Just fine.”

“Zoe said we’d better get you in. It’s time to be movin’ on.”

Mal put his arm around little Kaylee’s shoulders as they started to walk towards Serenity and said, “I reckon she’s right.”

As they headed in, he caught a glimpse of Inara’s shuttle, with a glimmer of light shining through the window.

“It’s long past time to be movin’ on.”




Glossary:
huāngmiù - ridiculous
duìbùqî - I'm sorry/excuse me

(no subject)

Date: 2006-03-13 05:38 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] goldy-dollar.livejournal.com
Oh... my... that was beautiful. *sniffs*

Definitely a new take on a post-Serenity M/I connection, but so perfect. I can't help but think you might have gotten it exactly *right*. The experience would change them both dramatically. It's hard to see them fighting in the exact way they used to, after going through something like that.

With a radiant smile that he had never seen directed at him before, she said “And now I say do,” and then turned away and glided back onto the ship.

Love. Love. Love.

So... sequel? *begs*

(no subject)

Date: 2006-03-13 05:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] elizalavelle.livejournal.com
A lovely bit of Mal/Inara before bed for me :) Thank you.

I also especially loved the part with River and Wash's dinosaurs, that was just perfect.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-03-13 05:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kellibus.livejournal.com
Oh, I enjoyed this so much. It was so... real, honestly. The way they feel makes sense and well...
their whitty banter is defense. But what do they have to defend themselves from now, after Miranda?
Beautiful, and sequel please!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-03-13 07:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sagacious-c.livejournal.com
Beautiful, and it felt very true. They've both been lost and are starting to recover. Very nice!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-03-13 01:18 pm (UTC)
ext_44668: (Shippers)
From: [identity profile] hjea.livejournal.com
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo good! I enjoyed this a lot, having to move on after the end, the changes in relationships - it all felt very true. And a little Mal/Inara never goes amiss. Very nice job!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-03-13 02:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kballgetlost.livejournal.com
That was absolutely wonderful!!! You write Mal/Inara really well! I hope you continue!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-03-13 10:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thorfinna.livejournal.com
Oh, that was so lovely... I love the quite moments between Mal and Inara, and this was perfect and sweet with that ever present tinge of sadness, but there's also the hope that things are going to get better... very nice, I'd love to see a sequel!

(no subject)

Date: 2006-03-17 05:21 am (UTC)
browncoat2x2: Painting of C-3PO on Tattooine (Default)
From: [personal profile] browncoat2x2
Yay! I'm going to read it right now!

(btw, this is the same person as above (thorfinna) Just decided to get an LJ that I could dedicate to Firefly stuff, and have a more relevent user name)

Thanks for the heads up!

2x2

(no subject)

Date: 2006-03-14 02:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] aestheticjunkie.livejournal.com
Oh, this is good. Wonderful Mal voice, perfect moment between the two of them. In fact love all the little moments you mentioned for each crewmember. Lovely. Thanks for sharing.

(no subject)

Date: 2006-03-14 05:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] helygen.livejournal.com
This is excellent. You've nailed the characters, and given us a truly believable account of their reactions, post-BDM. I hope this is just the first in a new fic series, as it's begging for a sequel!
Thanks for sharing :)

(no subject)

Date: 2006-03-15 09:40 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] helygen.livejournal.com
Yay! I'll look forward to that =)

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