Fic: Too Much Loss, PG

[mgsmurf.livejournal.com]

Title: Too Much Loss
Author: smurf
Summary: Yet another of the crew falls and those left grow tighter together.
Rating: PG
Characters: All mentioned
Pairing: multiple, Zoe/Simon, Zoe/River, Mal/Kaylee, Jayne/Kaylee, Mal/Zoe, Zoe/Kaylee, Wash/Zoe, even slight Simon/River, among others assumed (het and slash)
Warning: Main character death
Spoilers/Timeling: For BDM, set at least a few years post movie
Disclaimer: They're not mine, I just test drive.
Author's Notes: This just took hold and insisted I write it.
Crossposted to ff_fanfic, afterserenity, fireflyslash, and random_urges



Zoe has no tears left when they lay Jayne to his final rest beside the others, all lined up. Inara and Simon both gone in that Trinity heist went horribly wrong a month ago, laid beside the beginnings left from dealings with Miranda. Zoe tries to think good things of them all, one by one, honor them in a way. As her gaze passes Simon's grave her hand falls to cradle her protruding belly. Should've been rid of the baby months ago, weren't nothing but another liability, but she had nothing of Wash left, and somehow she couldn't lose all of Simon as well.

She glances over to River, who stands apart, alone, staring down the crocked line. Girl's bruised and broken, mended up as good as Zoe could manage, but there was nothing to do for the growing hollowness inside. Not even a hundred pounds, trained weapon or not, there'd been no means for River to save the larger man.

Kaylee's crying heightens enough to draw Zoe's attention. Young woman's collasped 'fore Jayne's grave. Zoe wonders how long they'd taken to bunking together, wonders where she'd been to have not even noticed. Kaylee doesn't ask for their comfort, she never does, but not a thing in those shaking shoulders say one of them shouldn't go to her.

Zoe looks over to Mal beside her, expects the man to go, pain of things or not Kaylee's damned important to him. Jaw clinched, eyes glaring, his anger at the 'verse nearly pours from his very pores. She can't help but feel a bit the same, but someone has to keep this ship together.

Zoe doesn't even finish kneeling before Kaylee's sobbing harder. She wraps herself 'round Zoe, clinging like her sanity depends on it. Soon her tear soaked face lays upon Zoe's breast. They linger there longer than Zoe should have, a comfort in their closeness. Tears fall down Zoe cheeks, for a comrade in arms, a friend, a lover, a husband, and she doesn't care to blame them on the hormones.

It's Mal finally pulls them out of things, drawing Kaylee into a big hug, possibly trying to shoulder all her grief as his. He offers a hand to help Zoe up. She hates the physical awkwardness her current body's at times capable of. She falls against him as she rights herself, and his arm lingers to hold her there for just a second, face empty yet full of everything 'tween them.

Mal taking care of Kaylee, Zoe goes in search of River, knows exactly where she'll find her. Zoe pushes down the grief brought fresh to the surface to enter the cockpit, walk over to what was once her husband's chair. Twilight falls in the sky outside lighting the metal brilliant red and orange. Not a one of them capable of getting back to that sky just yet.

"All in a line, ten little Indians, one by one." River swivels in the chair, dark haunting eyes tilt up to Zoe.

Not ten, Zoe's about to correct when River answers for her, "Counting Mr. Universe."

Zoe steps closer. "Mei mei," she says with a sigh, "ain't putting another of you in that ground." And by her very life she ain't, every body has it's point of breaking.

River pauses a beat to take in those words, or read Zoe's determination behind them. She rests her head on Zoe's belly much as she may have rested it 'gainst Simon's forehead once. The growing bit of Simon, who River may have loved more than anything in the verse, shifts inside Zoe. All four of them blended and tangled in a web thicker than Zoe'd ever get out of now.

She brushes back and straightens River's silky hair. She tries not to think how the texture echoes his, almost wishs the child she carries will have her curls yet knows she'd give anything for that fine dark hair to return to her.

Without a word, Zoe backs away, takes the hand River offers and leads them to the others. Zoe hasn't been back in what was once her and Wash's quarters since, but there's not another bed large enough aboard.

In the dim of a single candle, Zoe undresses beside River. She thinks nothing of sliding beneath the covers and curling her body onto Mal's bare chest, a steady heatbeat sounding in her ears from years and griefs past. Kaylee's held tight against Mal's other side. She reaches out a hand and holds tight to Zoe's. Warmth of River is behind Zoe, one tiny hand wrapped tight around her rounded belly. Mal's other arm tugs them all closer.

Zoe relaxes into the tight entanglement of comfort, lets the well of tears fall freely down her face. Sighs and sobs of the others surround her as much as their embraces. "Won't go losing another of you," Mal promises, almost a whisper.

Comments

[helygen.livejournal.com]

Wow. This is a little outside my canon-comfort-zone in terms of pairings, but dear gods you've painted such a believable picture with amazingly accurate voices (sorry for mixed metaphors!) that I'm in tears. Excellent piece. Thanks for sharing :)

[mgsmurf.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I'm glad it worked even if it was a little unusual in pairings.

[enginelovin.livejournal.com]

Holy crap. Reading that list of pairings, I expected something awful, but my expectations were gladly unmet! And my Mal/Kaylee 'shipper heart sighs happily. Bravo. :)

[mgsmurf.livejournal.com]

Thanks, glad you tried it despite the long list of pairings. I rather liked writing the Mal/Kaylee, it's a ship I'm a fan of and just hadn't gotten around to writing yet.