Radio Nowhere, Chapter 30
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firefly_fanfic
Title: Radio Nowhere
Author: Sarah-Beth (memorysdaughter)
Email: memorysdaughter@gmail.com
Summary: Fourteen years in the future, River takes a turn towards the more-crazy, leaving Serenity's crew to care for her daughter.
Series: Chapter 30
Rating: PG
Spoilers/Timeline: Post-BDM, except with two very important changes.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Never have been, never will be. The title comes from a Bruce Springsteen song.
Chapters 1-29
Radio Nowhere
Beck lay on her side with River sitting behind her, humming softly as the heavy hairbrush stroked cleanly through Beck’s long dark hair.
Wasn’t so bad, Momma, being with them.
“No?”
You don’t believe me?
“Lived with them forever, Beck.”
Not forever.
“Long enough. They let go me, forced Simon to come find me. What kind of parent abandons their child?”
Beck was quiet.
“Not like us, pretty girl,” River hurried to say. “Came back for you.”
Still Beck said nothing, but River could feel her body tense slightly.
“Oh, pretty girl,” River cried. “Didn’t want to leave you.”
I know, Momma, Beck said, but she didn’t sound convinced.
River finished brushing Beck’s hair and laid the brush down. “Time for bed, pretty girl.”
Fine.
For the first time in Beck’s life, River couldn’t tell what her daughter was thinking, and it frightened her. “Uncle Simon will come and give meds.”
Fine.
River got up and looked back at her daughter, lying still on the bunk, breathing in neat little gasps through the trach tube punched in her neck, eyes closed. “Did you really see her, Beck?”
Beck didn’t open her eyes.
“Beck?” River said, louder.
A small moan echoed in River’s head.
“Beck?”
River’s fingers found Beck’s pulse point on the girl’s tiny wrist. Her own heartbeat seemed to be amplified as she searched for her daughter’s. She couldn’t find it.
Her heart clanged in her chest, and she leaned down to Beck’s trach, seeking airflow. Nothing.
She heard herself screaming for Simon, felt her hands reaching for the manual resuscitator, but she was somewhere else, the world flying past her too fast. Her head was spinning and a tingling feeling rose up in her chest. Beck was slipping away from her. They were losing Beck, and there was nothing she could to do stop it. “Simon! Simon!”
“Zoë, would you and the Shepherd go in and sit with Rebecca?” Simon asked quietly. “I’d like to speak to River.”
“Sure thing, Doc,” Zoë said. “C’mon, Shepherd.”
They went into the infirmary quietly. Simon crossed the common area and knelt down in front of River, who sat on the sofa next to Mal. Her eyes flicked back and forth restlessly; her mind was obviously somewhere else. Her mouth moved as she muttered something, too low for Simon to hear. The captain kept his arm around her, but she was shaking so hard it threatened to slip off.
“Hey, mei-mei, listen to me,” Simon said softly. “I need to tell you about Beck.”
“Beck?” River said, sounding frightened. “Beck… Beck stopped… Beck… listens… no, no, please, no.”
“Shh, shh,” the captain said, rubbing River’s back. To Simon he said, “Doc, you’d better make this quick, ‘cause she ain’t gonna make it through some long-winded explanation.”
Simon nodded. “Beck had a seizure, mei-mei, a bad one. She has an infection and it’s gotten to her brain. She has a very high fever. I had to sedate her, and she’s on the vent now until she can breathe on her own. She’s very, very sick.”
“They took her,” River said suddenly, and her eyes focused on Simon’s face. “They took pretty girl.”
Simon grasped her hands. They were ice cold. “Do you understand me?”
“They took her,” River sobbed. “Why? Why?”
Her eyes swam away from him, and her hands clenched into fists. Agitated, her body tightened, and when she looked back at Simon, it was as though he was looking at a stranger. She screamed out loud and threw herself back away from him. “You… you took her! Where is she? Where is pretty girl? Where is…”
“Mei-mei, it’s okay,” Simon said.
She screamed again. “No, no, no, no…”
River slapped his hands, then swung her arms at him, scratching and biting, arms wind-milling, legs kicking. “You don’t understand! You took her! God, I hate you. Taking her, taking her, taking her secrets.”
“Doc, maybe you should…?”
“She doesn’t want the drugs!” River screamed, turning on the captain. “She doesn’t want to forget!”
Mal grabbed River and pressed him to her, keeping her arms against her body. “Doc, I would hurry up if I were you.”
Simon nodded, and turned back to the infirmary.
Kaylee brought in pillows and a blanket and curled up on the ledge in the infirmary, watching Beck. One of the girl’s arms was taped to an IV board, the needle taped onto the back of her hand. Her arms and legs had been strapped down to the bed; the high fever had caused Beck to seize numerous times, risking the placement of her IV tubes – the one in the back of her hand, the one stuck into her neck, and the one branching out from between her toes. Monitors and pumps ringed the bed, standing tall and silent like sentries.
Simon leaned against the counter, his head in his hands. The data-port and chip he’d stolen from his father lay next to him. He had been trying to work on decoding the information, on trying to find Daisy, but he just couldn’t think. He kept hearing Kaylee’s shouts back on Rum River, and then River’s screams.
He was buried in his thought, so much that he didn’t hear Kaylee the first few times that she spoke his name. Finally it got through. “Yeah?”
“Beck’s not gonna wake up, is she?” Kaylee asked, her voice full of tears.
Simon shook his head. “I don’t… I don’t know. It’s too early to tell. If she survives the next twenty-four hours and her vital organs don’t shut down… we might be out of the woods.”
Kaylee choked back a sob. “Simon?”
He turned towards her, and wrapped his arms around her. “What’s wrong?”
“I didn’t mean those things I said ‘bout Beck,” she said, burying her face in his shoulder. “All those mean things I said t’ River ‘bout Beck.”
“I know,” Simon said, and held her close.
“An’ now Beck might not ever wake up an’ the last thing she ever heard me say was that she was useless, a waste o’ space.”
Simon looked down at her. “Kaylee, Beck wasn’t there. Beck didn’t hear you say those things.”
“But River did,” Kaylee sobbed, “and everythin’ River knows, Beck knows. I don’t want her thinkin’ I hate her… I love Beck, Simon. I love her like she’s my own. An’… an’ I want her t’ live.”
“Shh, it’s all right,” Simon said. “I think we’re all a bit worn out. Beck knows you want her to live.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“I do. They told us in medical school that people in comas can often hear things going on around them. I had one patient, a young man, who went into a coma after he fell from a train. His sister, who was a folk singer, came in with her guitar and played him a song she had written prior to his accident – a song he had never heard – and when he woke up, he was able to sing the chorus.”
“Y’ think we could do that fer Beck?” Kaylee asked.
“I have no doubt we could do that for Beck.” He stood back from her a little, looking at her. “But we can’t help Beck if we’re too exhausted to stand. We need to get some sleep.”
Simon reached to take off his apron. “I’m going to go change into fresher clothes,” he said, “and then I’ll be back to keep an eye on Beck.”
“Okay,” Kaylee said.
He kissed her softly on the cheek, and then on the lips, a little stronger. “I love you,” he said. “We’re going to get through this. We all are – you, me, Beck, River…”
“And Daisy,” Kaylee breathed.
“And Daisy,” Simon said. “I’ll be right back.”
Once he was gone, Kaylee stroked Beck’s cheek gently. “I know you can hear me, pretty girl, ‘cause yer smarter than anythin’ I’ve ever seen and I know yer still in there… and I just want y’ t’ know I love ya. We all love ya. And yer a fighter… just like yer momma.”
Author: Sarah-Beth (memorysdaughter)
Email: memorysdaughter@gmail.com
Summary: Fourteen years in the future, River takes a turn towards the more-crazy, leaving Serenity's crew to care for her daughter.
Series: Chapter 30
Rating: PG
Spoilers/Timeline: Post-BDM, except with two very important changes.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Never have been, never will be. The title comes from a Bruce Springsteen song.
Chapters 1-29
Radio Nowhere
Beck lay on her side with River sitting behind her, humming softly as the heavy hairbrush stroked cleanly through Beck’s long dark hair.
Wasn’t so bad, Momma, being with them.
“No?”
You don’t believe me?
“Lived with them forever, Beck.”
Not forever.
“Long enough. They let go me, forced Simon to come find me. What kind of parent abandons their child?”
Beck was quiet.
“Not like us, pretty girl,” River hurried to say. “Came back for you.”
Still Beck said nothing, but River could feel her body tense slightly.
“Oh, pretty girl,” River cried. “Didn’t want to leave you.”
I know, Momma, Beck said, but she didn’t sound convinced.
River finished brushing Beck’s hair and laid the brush down. “Time for bed, pretty girl.”
Fine.
For the first time in Beck’s life, River couldn’t tell what her daughter was thinking, and it frightened her. “Uncle Simon will come and give meds.”
Fine.
River got up and looked back at her daughter, lying still on the bunk, breathing in neat little gasps through the trach tube punched in her neck, eyes closed. “Did you really see her, Beck?”
Beck didn’t open her eyes.
“Beck?” River said, louder.
A small moan echoed in River’s head.
“Beck?”
River’s fingers found Beck’s pulse point on the girl’s tiny wrist. Her own heartbeat seemed to be amplified as she searched for her daughter’s. She couldn’t find it.
Her heart clanged in her chest, and she leaned down to Beck’s trach, seeking airflow. Nothing.
She heard herself screaming for Simon, felt her hands reaching for the manual resuscitator, but she was somewhere else, the world flying past her too fast. Her head was spinning and a tingling feeling rose up in her chest. Beck was slipping away from her. They were losing Beck, and there was nothing she could to do stop it. “Simon! Simon!”
“Zoë, would you and the Shepherd go in and sit with Rebecca?” Simon asked quietly. “I’d like to speak to River.”
“Sure thing, Doc,” Zoë said. “C’mon, Shepherd.”
They went into the infirmary quietly. Simon crossed the common area and knelt down in front of River, who sat on the sofa next to Mal. Her eyes flicked back and forth restlessly; her mind was obviously somewhere else. Her mouth moved as she muttered something, too low for Simon to hear. The captain kept his arm around her, but she was shaking so hard it threatened to slip off.
“Hey, mei-mei, listen to me,” Simon said softly. “I need to tell you about Beck.”
“Beck?” River said, sounding frightened. “Beck… Beck stopped… Beck… listens… no, no, please, no.”
“Shh, shh,” the captain said, rubbing River’s back. To Simon he said, “Doc, you’d better make this quick, ‘cause she ain’t gonna make it through some long-winded explanation.”
Simon nodded. “Beck had a seizure, mei-mei, a bad one. She has an infection and it’s gotten to her brain. She has a very high fever. I had to sedate her, and she’s on the vent now until she can breathe on her own. She’s very, very sick.”
“They took her,” River said suddenly, and her eyes focused on Simon’s face. “They took pretty girl.”
Simon grasped her hands. They were ice cold. “Do you understand me?”
“They took her,” River sobbed. “Why? Why?”
Her eyes swam away from him, and her hands clenched into fists. Agitated, her body tightened, and when she looked back at Simon, it was as though he was looking at a stranger. She screamed out loud and threw herself back away from him. “You… you took her! Where is she? Where is pretty girl? Where is…”
“Mei-mei, it’s okay,” Simon said.
She screamed again. “No, no, no, no…”
River slapped his hands, then swung her arms at him, scratching and biting, arms wind-milling, legs kicking. “You don’t understand! You took her! God, I hate you. Taking her, taking her, taking her secrets.”
“Doc, maybe you should…?”
“She doesn’t want the drugs!” River screamed, turning on the captain. “She doesn’t want to forget!”
Mal grabbed River and pressed him to her, keeping her arms against her body. “Doc, I would hurry up if I were you.”
Simon nodded, and turned back to the infirmary.
Kaylee brought in pillows and a blanket and curled up on the ledge in the infirmary, watching Beck. One of the girl’s arms was taped to an IV board, the needle taped onto the back of her hand. Her arms and legs had been strapped down to the bed; the high fever had caused Beck to seize numerous times, risking the placement of her IV tubes – the one in the back of her hand, the one stuck into her neck, and the one branching out from between her toes. Monitors and pumps ringed the bed, standing tall and silent like sentries.
Simon leaned against the counter, his head in his hands. The data-port and chip he’d stolen from his father lay next to him. He had been trying to work on decoding the information, on trying to find Daisy, but he just couldn’t think. He kept hearing Kaylee’s shouts back on Rum River, and then River’s screams.
He was buried in his thought, so much that he didn’t hear Kaylee the first few times that she spoke his name. Finally it got through. “Yeah?”
“Beck’s not gonna wake up, is she?” Kaylee asked, her voice full of tears.
Simon shook his head. “I don’t… I don’t know. It’s too early to tell. If she survives the next twenty-four hours and her vital organs don’t shut down… we might be out of the woods.”
Kaylee choked back a sob. “Simon?”
He turned towards her, and wrapped his arms around her. “What’s wrong?”
“I didn’t mean those things I said ‘bout Beck,” she said, burying her face in his shoulder. “All those mean things I said t’ River ‘bout Beck.”
“I know,” Simon said, and held her close.
“An’ now Beck might not ever wake up an’ the last thing she ever heard me say was that she was useless, a waste o’ space.”
Simon looked down at her. “Kaylee, Beck wasn’t there. Beck didn’t hear you say those things.”
“But River did,” Kaylee sobbed, “and everythin’ River knows, Beck knows. I don’t want her thinkin’ I hate her… I love Beck, Simon. I love her like she’s my own. An’… an’ I want her t’ live.”
“Shh, it’s all right,” Simon said. “I think we’re all a bit worn out. Beck knows you want her to live.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“I do. They told us in medical school that people in comas can often hear things going on around them. I had one patient, a young man, who went into a coma after he fell from a train. His sister, who was a folk singer, came in with her guitar and played him a song she had written prior to his accident – a song he had never heard – and when he woke up, he was able to sing the chorus.”
“Y’ think we could do that fer Beck?” Kaylee asked.
“I have no doubt we could do that for Beck.” He stood back from her a little, looking at her. “But we can’t help Beck if we’re too exhausted to stand. We need to get some sleep.”
Simon reached to take off his apron. “I’m going to go change into fresher clothes,” he said, “and then I’ll be back to keep an eye on Beck.”
“Okay,” Kaylee said.
He kissed her softly on the cheek, and then on the lips, a little stronger. “I love you,” he said. “We’re going to get through this. We all are – you, me, Beck, River…”
“And Daisy,” Kaylee breathed.
“And Daisy,” Simon said. “I’ll be right back.”
Once he was gone, Kaylee stroked Beck’s cheek gently. “I know you can hear me, pretty girl, ‘cause yer smarter than anythin’ I’ve ever seen and I know yer still in there… and I just want y’ t’ know I love ya. We all love ya. And yer a fighter… just like yer momma.”
It's me again Margaret, j/k, lol
Date: 2008-11-12 05:28 am (UTC)Re: It's me again Margaret, j/k, lol
Date: 2008-11-12 10:03 pm (UTC)I definitely thought I was going to be able to wrap this up in 35-ish chapters, but now I'm wondering...
Stay tuned for more!