The Hardest Thing- PG, Mal/Inara, by ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lunarknightz
Feb. 10th, 2006 05:04 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
lunarknightz.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
firefly_fanficTitle: The Hardest Thing
Rating: PG
Summary: Inara can't stay on Serenity.
Spoilers: Set after "The Message".
Disclaimer: Joss Is Boss. I'm just playing.
When she was a little girl, Inara had imagined, as many girls do, that one day her life would be like a fairy tale. One day she would live in high style, in a fancy house, with the finest clothes, and the finest jewellery. She would have a prince, a man who was handsome, loving, and kind. The prince would love her and protect her, and they’d live happily ever after, together.
All little girls dream of a happy ending, even the young girls who train to become companions. At night, they would lie upon their beds, sharing dreams and hopes of the one special client who would want them for more than sex, for someone who would cherish them as a life mate.
Inara dreamed of a man, cultured and kind, who would hold her hand in old age, who would deem her as lovely then, as she had been as a beautiful companion.
When Inara was thirteen, she felt quite awkward. Changes were coming over her body, fast and furious. Suddenly Inara’s legs were longer, her bosom was developing, her skin started to grow splotchy with pimples. Inara felt like a stranger in her own body.
The Guild of Companions had been around for years, and Inara Serra was certainly not the first girl to undergo such an awkward phase. It was a practice to have an older Companion mentor those just entering adolescence, and Inara was assigned one named Sarai. Sarai was beautiful, with shining blonde hair, and glittering blue eyes. She was outspoken and caring, her sense of humor and her stunning looks made her one of the most promising new Companions on Osiris. Sarai was the perfect choice to mentor Inara. They grew to be close friends, as close as sisters would be.
Sarai differed from most Companions in the fact that she had a boyfriend. One night, she came to Inara’s bedchamber, almost bouncing with excitement. Sarai awoke Inara from her sleep, and showed her a glittering diamond ring. “I’m getting married.” She said excitedly. “Nick asked me!”
“I’ll miss you, Sarai.” Inara said, choking back tears. “What will you do? Where will you go?”
“He has a homestead, on a newly terraformed planet out on the edge of the rim. I’ll be his wife, maybe one day a mother. I’ll be happy, though I will miss my ‘Nara.” Sarai reached over and played with one of Inara’s dark curls.
“I’ll miss you too.” Inara said quietly.
“You’ll be too busy being the toast of Osiris, if not the entire, ‘verse, Inara. The sky is the limit, Inara, and nobody can ever take that from you.”
Two days later, Sarai was murdered. One of her frequent clients was incensed when Sarai informed him that this would be their last visit together. Jealous with rage, he’d slit her throat.
Inara stood silent and cold at Sarai’s funeral. As she glimpsed Sarai’s fiancé, Nick, sobbing on the other side of the crowd, something in Inara grew cold. She wouldn’t fall in love, not ever. Love was a vicious creature. Love had caused Inara’s mother to fall so heavily in debt that she sold her child to the Guild; Love had brought about Sarai’s untimely end.
It wouldn’t happen to her.
Happy Endings were the thing of fiction, fairy tales made up long ago on Earth that was.
____________
She couldn’t stay on Serenity.
Serenity had been good to her. Inara had been able to reach a much larger clientele travelling by ship than she would have planet bound. She was able to be extremely choosey on who she would service, and able to demand a high price. She had seen the universe, made friends that felt like family—her friendship with Kaylee was as close, if not closer, as that she’d had with Sarai years before.
But she couldn’t stay.
Inara had fallen in love. She’d tried to deny or ignore it, but Mal spending time with Nandi made one thing perfectly clear---she was crazy, head over heels in love with Malcolm Reynolds. He was arrogant, had a tendency to be violent, and had a million faults. Mal wasn’t the man she’d dreamed of, not the prince she’d pictured as a little girl, or the caring gentleman Inara imagined she’d grown into. And that, precisely that, made her love him more.
Mal infuriated her and challenged her. They fought like cats and dogs. It shook Inara to her very core when she realized that, on any given day, she’d rather fight with Mal than sleep with any other man.
If she stayed, Inara would change. She’d already begun to act like an outlaw, helping the crew on jobs. Was she willing to give up her way of life, the values that had been instilled for her?
If she stayed, the day would come that Inara would be unable to deny her feelings for Mal any more. If she stayed, Inara she might find peace in Mal’s embrace.
If she stayed, she could end up like Sarai. And Inara couldn’t…wouldn’t let that happen.
She said her goodbyes quickly. Pleasant goodbyes to Shepard Book, Wash, Zoe, and even Jayne. A handshake for Simon, and a hug for River. Saying goodbye to Kaylee was hard, with tears, and a pledge to wave over the cortex soon.
As she said goodbye to Mal, Inara looked at his shoes. She couldn’t look at his eyes. If she looked at his eyes, she wouldn’t have the courage to take the next step.
“Well.” He said awkwardly, reaching out and touching her chin lightly, raising her face to meet his eyes. “Pleasant journeys. Time to get about your whorin’, I guess.”
Mal’s eyes said volumes that contradicted his words.
Still, the jarring words gave her the push she needed. “And pleasant thievery to you, Mal. Try not to get arrested or killed.” With those words, she picked up her satchel and strode away from Serenity.
Taking those steps away from Serenity, away from home, away from Mal, was the hardest thing Inara ever had to do. But it was something she had to do.
Inara hadn’t believed in fairy tales since she was a little girl.
Rating: PG
Summary: Inara can't stay on Serenity.
Spoilers: Set after "The Message".
Disclaimer: Joss Is Boss. I'm just playing.
When she was a little girl, Inara had imagined, as many girls do, that one day her life would be like a fairy tale. One day she would live in high style, in a fancy house, with the finest clothes, and the finest jewellery. She would have a prince, a man who was handsome, loving, and kind. The prince would love her and protect her, and they’d live happily ever after, together.
All little girls dream of a happy ending, even the young girls who train to become companions. At night, they would lie upon their beds, sharing dreams and hopes of the one special client who would want them for more than sex, for someone who would cherish them as a life mate.
Inara dreamed of a man, cultured and kind, who would hold her hand in old age, who would deem her as lovely then, as she had been as a beautiful companion.
When Inara was thirteen, she felt quite awkward. Changes were coming over her body, fast and furious. Suddenly Inara’s legs were longer, her bosom was developing, her skin started to grow splotchy with pimples. Inara felt like a stranger in her own body.
The Guild of Companions had been around for years, and Inara Serra was certainly not the first girl to undergo such an awkward phase. It was a practice to have an older Companion mentor those just entering adolescence, and Inara was assigned one named Sarai. Sarai was beautiful, with shining blonde hair, and glittering blue eyes. She was outspoken and caring, her sense of humor and her stunning looks made her one of the most promising new Companions on Osiris. Sarai was the perfect choice to mentor Inara. They grew to be close friends, as close as sisters would be.
Sarai differed from most Companions in the fact that she had a boyfriend. One night, she came to Inara’s bedchamber, almost bouncing with excitement. Sarai awoke Inara from her sleep, and showed her a glittering diamond ring. “I’m getting married.” She said excitedly. “Nick asked me!”
“I’ll miss you, Sarai.” Inara said, choking back tears. “What will you do? Where will you go?”
“He has a homestead, on a newly terraformed planet out on the edge of the rim. I’ll be his wife, maybe one day a mother. I’ll be happy, though I will miss my ‘Nara.” Sarai reached over and played with one of Inara’s dark curls.
“I’ll miss you too.” Inara said quietly.
“You’ll be too busy being the toast of Osiris, if not the entire, ‘verse, Inara. The sky is the limit, Inara, and nobody can ever take that from you.”
Two days later, Sarai was murdered. One of her frequent clients was incensed when Sarai informed him that this would be their last visit together. Jealous with rage, he’d slit her throat.
Inara stood silent and cold at Sarai’s funeral. As she glimpsed Sarai’s fiancé, Nick, sobbing on the other side of the crowd, something in Inara grew cold. She wouldn’t fall in love, not ever. Love was a vicious creature. Love had caused Inara’s mother to fall so heavily in debt that she sold her child to the Guild; Love had brought about Sarai’s untimely end.
It wouldn’t happen to her.
Happy Endings were the thing of fiction, fairy tales made up long ago on Earth that was.
____________
She couldn’t stay on Serenity.
Serenity had been good to her. Inara had been able to reach a much larger clientele travelling by ship than she would have planet bound. She was able to be extremely choosey on who she would service, and able to demand a high price. She had seen the universe, made friends that felt like family—her friendship with Kaylee was as close, if not closer, as that she’d had with Sarai years before.
But she couldn’t stay.
Inara had fallen in love. She’d tried to deny or ignore it, but Mal spending time with Nandi made one thing perfectly clear---she was crazy, head over heels in love with Malcolm Reynolds. He was arrogant, had a tendency to be violent, and had a million faults. Mal wasn’t the man she’d dreamed of, not the prince she’d pictured as a little girl, or the caring gentleman Inara imagined she’d grown into. And that, precisely that, made her love him more.
Mal infuriated her and challenged her. They fought like cats and dogs. It shook Inara to her very core when she realized that, on any given day, she’d rather fight with Mal than sleep with any other man.
If she stayed, Inara would change. She’d already begun to act like an outlaw, helping the crew on jobs. Was she willing to give up her way of life, the values that had been instilled for her?
If she stayed, the day would come that Inara would be unable to deny her feelings for Mal any more. If she stayed, Inara she might find peace in Mal’s embrace.
If she stayed, she could end up like Sarai. And Inara couldn’t…wouldn’t let that happen.
She said her goodbyes quickly. Pleasant goodbyes to Shepard Book, Wash, Zoe, and even Jayne. A handshake for Simon, and a hug for River. Saying goodbye to Kaylee was hard, with tears, and a pledge to wave over the cortex soon.
As she said goodbye to Mal, Inara looked at his shoes. She couldn’t look at his eyes. If she looked at his eyes, she wouldn’t have the courage to take the next step.
“Well.” He said awkwardly, reaching out and touching her chin lightly, raising her face to meet his eyes. “Pleasant journeys. Time to get about your whorin’, I guess.”
Mal’s eyes said volumes that contradicted his words.
Still, the jarring words gave her the push she needed. “And pleasant thievery to you, Mal. Try not to get arrested or killed.” With those words, she picked up her satchel and strode away from Serenity.
Taking those steps away from Serenity, away from home, away from Mal, was the hardest thing Inara ever had to do. But it was something she had to do.
Inara hadn’t believed in fairy tales since she was a little girl.