Fic: Of Love and Risk 12/13
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firefly_fanficTitle: Of Love and Risk
Author: smurf
Summary: To believe in something
Rating: PG13 (R overall)
Characters: Mal, Zoë, Wash (mention of Jayne, Kaylee, Inara, Simon)
Pairings: Zoë/Wash, Mal/Zoë (het)
Spoilers/Timeline: for BDM and "War Stories", set a while after the movie.
Disclaimer: Not mine, I just like to test drive.
Archive: Please don't
Words: 1,050 (Total 7,900)
Author's Note: This is really the last part as the next is more an epilogue.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11
The box sat on the bed just waiting as Zoë finished dressing, buckling her belt, fastening her gun upon her leg.
"Zoë?"
"Down here, Mal." She wondered if she should offer the room, or at least the full-sized bed to Simon and Kaylee. Truth was she hadn’t been able to sleep on more than half of it, reasoned she never would be able to.
"You needed me?" Mal entered seeming a little awkward, like he'd never set foot in her quarters 'fore.
"Box I need you to carry up." She pointed and finished righting herself.
He raised an eyebrow, walked to the box and peeked in. Even from across the room, Zoë could see the bright colors of one of Wash's shirts.
"You sure... you want to...." Words weren't always Mal's forte.
Zoë nodded, closing the lid. "Have more than I need of Wash." Although not him she thought, now not much more than his things and name either. "Was just sitting here to waste when there's others have need."
He looked her dead in the eye, like he was trying to sum up her feelings, before finally nodding. "But just why am I the one to be carrying it."
"Strong and manly of you, sir." She tensed a hand around his bicep, making him flinch back, like she'd gone a little crazy on him. She smiled and didn't quite giggle at him.
He glared for just a moment before making to pick up the box. They hadn't ever rightly discussed her changing quarters. Seemed a mite wrong her, the widow, having the largest amongst them. Mal paused to look at the rotating picture of Wash. Hurt still for Zoë herself to look at it for long, wished she could hear his laughter still echo off the walls.
"You ain't gonna make it all alone," she said, following his gaze.
Mal turned to her sharply. "Ain't alone."
"Got someone sharing your bed?"
Mal raised an eyebrow, and cocked his head. "This is your business how?"
"Actions over Miranda's sure to rise back to the fore," Zoë said. "You need more than me, more than the crew, more than Serenity to keep you."
"You right prove my point on how things might end." His hand rested on the closed box, and she wondered if it did or didn't have meaning.
Zoë nodded. "Reckon I do. Not sure I'll... rightly get put back together, without... Wash. I won't pretend otherwise. Hole inside, deeper and darker than... even the war gave." It amazed her she was able to say what she was, but she knew there were possibly none but Mal she would open herself to as much with. "And it ain't ever healing right, not completely. I miss him dearly, painfully, so much some days just rather not think about being without."
Mal just stood, not a word on his lips, eyes solidly and silently watching her. She didn’t really need to say what Wash had meant to her. Serenity was his salvation, as Wash had been hers. And he had to be wondering what he'd feel if it had been the ship and not the man that hadn't survived.
Zoë took in a shaking breath. "But, I got no regrets, even...." She couldn't word that, how lost and apart she felt, worse than ever before, but then she needn't with Mal. "Wash, he made me forget, cleansed away my coldness, sadness and past when I was with him, like it existed far away. Proved to me I was more than all that, stronger than it, able to face it even. I'm a better person 'cause I knew him, 'cause I loved him. And I have to remember that, even with him gone, and the pain to result."
"And this has to do with me and someone sharing my bed how?" Mal blinked.
"There's time to sit on fences, and there's time to take chances, to risk what you could lose to gain more from the experience of it. You can't be 'fraid of risking that Mal, you're better than that kind of fear."
For several heartbeats, Mal just stood looking at her, still as stone. She worried if she'd said too much, delved too far into his rather personal love life. Finally, he nodded. "Maybe you got too high a thinking of me."
Zoë cocked her head, wondered if he was being serious or not. "Your belief pulled me through the last war. The way it just... poured through you, 'til the end. You ain't getting that back, but we're right lost you don't find something, someone, to fit the same place."
She narrowed her eyes at him, didn't expect a proper response but wasn't letting him get away without knowing she was right and weren't backing down on the issue. Mal didn't blink or nod, but something broke in his eyes, just slightly. Were enough for Zoë to know he'd more than give her request thoughts. War thundering towards them his crews' survival mattered to him, only thing he had right left in the 'verse.
"Jayne's a more manly man." Mal made again to lift the box, seriousness shaken off like a chill.
Zoë silently laughed. "Weren't know the meaning of it though."
He turned back to her, caught her hand in his, warm and strong. Didn't say a word, and Zoë reasoned she liked it that way. Thought he'd take a step closer to embrace her, and she willed him not too, knew she'd crumple on the floor, that it'd hit her how much just that single box meant she was putting Wash and her life with him aside. She felt a single tear run down her cheek, saw a tear in his. The words 'I'm sorry' almost formed on Mal's lips, and Zoë shook her head to rid him of them. Wash had been man enough to make his own decisions on life; his death was not to be another added to either of their long lists.
With a nod, Mal dropped her hand and picked up the box, struggled to remove it from her quarters. Silence didn't seem the way to leave things, but she couldn't think of anything witty to say, was kinda glad neither did Mal.
Author: smurf
Summary: To believe in something
Rating: PG13 (R overall)
Characters: Mal, Zoë, Wash (mention of Jayne, Kaylee, Inara, Simon)
Pairings: Zoë/Wash, Mal/Zoë (het)
Spoilers/Timeline: for BDM and "War Stories", set a while after the movie.
Disclaimer: Not mine, I just like to test drive.
Archive: Please don't
Words: 1,050 (Total 7,900)
Author's Note: This is really the last part as the next is more an epilogue.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11
The box sat on the bed just waiting as Zoë finished dressing, buckling her belt, fastening her gun upon her leg.
"Zoë?"
"Down here, Mal." She wondered if she should offer the room, or at least the full-sized bed to Simon and Kaylee. Truth was she hadn’t been able to sleep on more than half of it, reasoned she never would be able to.
"You needed me?" Mal entered seeming a little awkward, like he'd never set foot in her quarters 'fore.
"Box I need you to carry up." She pointed and finished righting herself.
He raised an eyebrow, walked to the box and peeked in. Even from across the room, Zoë could see the bright colors of one of Wash's shirts.
"You sure... you want to...." Words weren't always Mal's forte.
Zoë nodded, closing the lid. "Have more than I need of Wash." Although not him she thought, now not much more than his things and name either. "Was just sitting here to waste when there's others have need."
He looked her dead in the eye, like he was trying to sum up her feelings, before finally nodding. "But just why am I the one to be carrying it."
"Strong and manly of you, sir." She tensed a hand around his bicep, making him flinch back, like she'd gone a little crazy on him. She smiled and didn't quite giggle at him.
He glared for just a moment before making to pick up the box. They hadn't ever rightly discussed her changing quarters. Seemed a mite wrong her, the widow, having the largest amongst them. Mal paused to look at the rotating picture of Wash. Hurt still for Zoë herself to look at it for long, wished she could hear his laughter still echo off the walls.
"You ain't gonna make it all alone," she said, following his gaze.
Mal turned to her sharply. "Ain't alone."
"Got someone sharing your bed?"
Mal raised an eyebrow, and cocked his head. "This is your business how?"
"Actions over Miranda's sure to rise back to the fore," Zoë said. "You need more than me, more than the crew, more than Serenity to keep you."
"You right prove my point on how things might end." His hand rested on the closed box, and she wondered if it did or didn't have meaning.
Zoë nodded. "Reckon I do. Not sure I'll... rightly get put back together, without... Wash. I won't pretend otherwise. Hole inside, deeper and darker than... even the war gave." It amazed her she was able to say what she was, but she knew there were possibly none but Mal she would open herself to as much with. "And it ain't ever healing right, not completely. I miss him dearly, painfully, so much some days just rather not think about being without."
Mal just stood, not a word on his lips, eyes solidly and silently watching her. She didn’t really need to say what Wash had meant to her. Serenity was his salvation, as Wash had been hers. And he had to be wondering what he'd feel if it had been the ship and not the man that hadn't survived.
Zoë took in a shaking breath. "But, I got no regrets, even...." She couldn't word that, how lost and apart she felt, worse than ever before, but then she needn't with Mal. "Wash, he made me forget, cleansed away my coldness, sadness and past when I was with him, like it existed far away. Proved to me I was more than all that, stronger than it, able to face it even. I'm a better person 'cause I knew him, 'cause I loved him. And I have to remember that, even with him gone, and the pain to result."
"And this has to do with me and someone sharing my bed how?" Mal blinked.
"There's time to sit on fences, and there's time to take chances, to risk what you could lose to gain more from the experience of it. You can't be 'fraid of risking that Mal, you're better than that kind of fear."
For several heartbeats, Mal just stood looking at her, still as stone. She worried if she'd said too much, delved too far into his rather personal love life. Finally, he nodded. "Maybe you got too high a thinking of me."
Zoë cocked her head, wondered if he was being serious or not. "Your belief pulled me through the last war. The way it just... poured through you, 'til the end. You ain't getting that back, but we're right lost you don't find something, someone, to fit the same place."
She narrowed her eyes at him, didn't expect a proper response but wasn't letting him get away without knowing she was right and weren't backing down on the issue. Mal didn't blink or nod, but something broke in his eyes, just slightly. Were enough for Zoë to know he'd more than give her request thoughts. War thundering towards them his crews' survival mattered to him, only thing he had right left in the 'verse.
"Jayne's a more manly man." Mal made again to lift the box, seriousness shaken off like a chill.
Zoë silently laughed. "Weren't know the meaning of it though."
He turned back to her, caught her hand in his, warm and strong. Didn't say a word, and Zoë reasoned she liked it that way. Thought he'd take a step closer to embrace her, and she willed him not too, knew she'd crumple on the floor, that it'd hit her how much just that single box meant she was putting Wash and her life with him aside. She felt a single tear run down her cheek, saw a tear in his. The words 'I'm sorry' almost formed on Mal's lips, and Zoë shook her head to rid him of them. Wash had been man enough to make his own decisions on life; his death was not to be another added to either of their long lists.
With a nod, Mal dropped her hand and picked up the box, struggled to remove it from her quarters. Silence didn't seem the way to leave things, but she couldn't think of anything witty to say, was kinda glad neither did Mal.
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Date: 2005-12-16 08:35 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-12-16 01:25 pm (UTC)(no subject)
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Date: 2005-12-16 09:43 pm (UTC)